Ten Ways to Write Bad College Essays
Do you dream of missing out on the college of your choice? Follow these tips on ten ways to write bad college essays and you’re guaranteed of having your dream come true!
1. Summarize your entire life story in one simple essay.
2. Decorate your essay with lots of fancy words you just found in the thesaurus, even if you didn’t know what they meant until now.
3. Try to impress the reader with the overuse of buzzwords to showcase your “superior intellectual prowess”. (here’s where you need to make the distinction between a thesis/term paper, and an application essay).
4. Copy a free essay sample you’ve found while surfing the web, and turn it in as your own (Not only is it illegal and unethical, but you’ll eventually get caught).
5. Take an application essay some friend of yours wrote in the past, and after modifying it a little pass it on as your own writing.
6. Write an essay as if the reader is your own personal therapist
7. Pay someone else to write your essay from scratch. (No matter how good of a writer they may be, they could NEVER inject the personal and emotional tone your college essay needs, simply because they’re not you. After all, it’s YOUR life, and you know yourself better than anyone else does)
8. Try to answer the college’s question of why you wish to attend their school, by copying or paraphrasing scripts from their own brochures and admissions materials
9.Use slang in your essay (unless you’re using slang as part of a dialogue, the use of slang guarantees a rejection).
10. Turn in your first draft (unless your first draft turned out to be a masterpiece, our personal experience has shown that over 98% of college essays need a rewrite.